oh ma, I am numb
I am numb, a shadow
no matter how I hug my knees
numbed since the day I swallowed
many forced desires, startled silences
sometimes the clock forgets to chime
days dare to hurtle into nights, I
sit drenched, palms down, flight ready
in a corner behind a dead door
the footsteps of the day, tense
and too loud, predators wait
I sit wooden, still always waiting
waiting for days, nights, days
sometimes ma, you forget me
I can hear, wait in suspense
maa, your last rites in the kitchen
gur with ghee, sizzling hot, pallu tucked
I will always feel the big feast, that night
so delectable, they said as they touched
it had been a feast ma,
it was their feast ma, that night
there were many
many mouths
many hands
many men
one
two three four five six seven eight nine
I stopped counting, as he bit my finger
in his orgy state of hunger, my finger
was hurting, I stopped counting at
nine, but there were many surly men
uninterrupted butchers, they slept
and snored afterwards, satiated
I bit myself
my bleeding tongue and ran
and ran
and ran
and ran
till I saw the bonfire
it was Lohri, wasn’t it maa?
I love gur with ghee
did you ever, maa did your ever?
get raped as you lay outstretched
did you not sometimes quiver
when he exited his manhood, grunting?
I love gur with ghee, sizzling ash?
®️©️Kashiana
Kashiana 