again and again and again

470E7749-2EC7-4E8E-AD0F-B0EB742EF910

oh ma, I am numb

I am numb, a shadow

no matter how I hug my knees

numbed since the day I swallowed

many forced desires, startled silences

sometimes the clock forgets to chime

days dare to hurtle into nights, I

sit drenched, palms down, flight ready

in a corner behind a dead door

the footsteps of the day, tense

and too loud, predators wait

I sit wooden, still always waiting

waiting for days, nights, days

sometimes ma, you forget me

I can hear, wait in suspense

maa, your last rites in the kitchen

gur with ghee, sizzling hot, pallu tucked

I will always feel the big feast, that night

so delectable, they said as they touched

it had been a feast ma,

it was their feast ma, that night

there were many

many mouths

many hands

many men

one

two three four five six seven eight nine

I stopped counting, as he bit my finger

in his orgy state of hunger, my finger

was hurting, I stopped counting at

nine, but there were many surly men

uninterrupted butchers, they slept

and snored afterwards, satiated

I bit myself

my bleeding tongue and ran

and ran

and ran

and ran

till I saw the bonfire

it was Lohri, wasn’t it maa?

I love gur with ghee

did you ever, maa did your ever?

get raped as you lay outstretched

did you not sometimes quiver

when he exited his manhood, grunting?

I love gur with ghee, sizzling ash?

®️©️Kashiana

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