Of serving love, and loved ones

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A look back

conjuring up myself

into being a present mother

is like starting over

craving buoyancy, yours

just sitting by each other

pouring cups of tea

flavors boiling over

teasing our bubbling chatter

pain erased by the familiarity

of silly details, and homecoming

 

be well Sanah

be brave

 

Invisible tomorrow’s 

you, both, inspire me

learning life, unknowingly

in a charming dismissive way

forming moments, while living minutes

i wonder, often about my presence

if I could do more

in participating, more

or differently in your landscape

often I listen to your words

the unspoken ones mostly

and hear commitment

i wish you honesty

of daily existence

and send you power

to be restless in imagination

yet restful in love

stay anchored Sahir

bring belonging Mansi

 

Beckoning

sobering myself often

into a responsible daughter

is about forgiving myself, for absence

facing questions with no answers

confident in enduring connections

you are who I will always worship

your magnificence pushes through me

while marking itself within my center

i pray each night, for strength

so my trembling heart can forever

be the wholesome warmth by your side

allow me your endless belief

you are my answers mama &papa

 

Luxury

I am thankful for the luxury

of having substantial love

and elegant loved ones, who

live in my body

ignite my mind

push my physical

make me vulnerable

hurting

strengthening

emboldening

my spirit

 

leaving me everyday

with a haunting vitality

and guided capability

to serve love

and loved ones

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yearning

C82C8183-12F4-410C-9B72-0627212E1C2DYearning

Yearning touches bruises

Turning them into scars

Self medication heals

Scratching loss into innards

Severance relieves pain

Breaking essential ties

Balm permeates a calm

Wrapping itself into hurt

Tears formalize mourning

Pearlizing as they shed

Pause allows a remembrance

Relieving the chatter

Medication delivers kindness

Measuring loss in caplets

 

Yearning for you

The void of your absence

Ensures a daily grounding

Into existence on your behalf

Sorrow brings a nutty obstinacy

To life & extracts a fullness

Creates a remembrance canvas

Yearning is hard work

Because it keeps you near

Rooting both me and you

In the truth of departure

the stillness of presence

and a nagging, ache that

whispers of the dawn

Wastelands

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Borders and Bastions

Walls

Liking each other when you are standing behind the wall

Putting your ears to the ground, wondering

waiting for music to trickle in

button round eyes gaze across horizons

Dust

booted wall guards kicking footsteps into the dust

witnessing one finger pointing at themselves

color staring at steel and sticking into crevices

stainless silences on the other side, loathing noise

Journeys

neither being in the soul of south or the heart of north

seeing the wrong within the seething rules of right

talking without pretense, finding a position of hope

dying into each other’s arms, retrieving souls

birthing downing heads into cupped heads

going into journeys without worrying about walls

Sunlight 

often forgetting emptiness, forgiving ourselves into enthusiasm

letting in sunlight into bordered in children

igniting clarity to spaced out adults

allow for paper to be about stories and not stamped notices

enabling the knocks to be about visiting messages and not separation orders

Heartbeats

Igniting commonalities with naked music

Surprising the sky with concerts echoing over walls

seeeding small talk with words of twisty flavors

editing dialogue that separates seasons

giving away keep sakes of quivering heart beats

appearing into lives instead of encouraging disappearances

Steps

Desiring conversations across miles and borders

Exploring creaking bridges with new steps

Migrating courage into spaces of fear

Making offerings of vulnerability to arrogance

Clawing into lives, even across borders

Drawing ideas of the world

 

 

Privilege

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Love is charming

It makes you open your heart

 

I have loved fully, your package deal

of quirks, interests and obsessions

 

I have wondered sometimes, specially that day

when you told me to pray – for my period pain

really?

 

When the astrologer said we matched many parts of predictions

except I thought, relationship is not a match game?

 

Our first fight on our first date was for ice cream

you chose ubiquitous vanilla, it eliminated any chance of sharing a spoon

 

My analysis is always right and on the money, said dad

he arranged us, I wished the arrangement had quotient!

and then,

 

I learned, from and with you, beside you

You were patient when I was slow, or impatient

 

I nearly drowned, into depths that loss brings

You deserved more, but resuscitated me with courage

 

You kneaded into our marriage, things I owe my life to

Long term, invisible, tender hope, and allowance for smiles

 

You hummed tunes, like snowflakes and raindrops

The baritone found places to settle, in my nooks and corners

 

Redeeming faith came through, when fingers trace paths on palms

filling in scars, seeding new furrows, to let laughter sprout

 

‘We’ worked, intersecting life with meditation

gathering insignificant dust of daily grind, in jars and caskets

 

Time often lay strewn like autumnal leaves, crushed

you always found spring and called it home, a privilege

 

You carved out voices from films, stories, to create secret tunnels

used to crawl into each other’s hearts, curling fetal like till ready again

 

You unobtrusively modeled ‘us’ goals, keeping your end of the bargain

by letting in, staying vulnerable, being curious without conditions

 

A celebration of and for you, is like making a list

of memories, of being, of giving, of honesty, of curiosity

 

Of unabashed singing

Of rooted gratitude 

Of endearing coffee

Of riveting fatherhood

Of reliable journeys

 

Of staying in love

Of finding me

in my me

 

Love is charming

It makes a home within the pit of you

  

roots and wings

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gatherings, reunions

are like seminars

or, genealogy by the bars

uncomfortable truths

jarring jokes

targeting your own folks

evidence of lineage

through twisted pasts

and sparsely sketched hearts

quiet conversations

about dignity and mind

mending and stitching, to keep entwined

growing up and into

unblemished landmarks

laughter full of sparks

drinking to amends 

finding heroes again

sentiments shared, relationships explained

Reunions occur, with present minds

hearts that remember and share

stories that inspire and prepare

Letting go and letting in

together like clouds, yet aloof

Reminiscence enables a rebirth of roots

 

How dare you?

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how dare you

many times over, voices have told you so

riding from the border, gathered scars for life 

I clutched their arms, looked into their eyes

nothing came back, just a dark glow

 

disappearing myself into the tent

I watched, your aides come and go

they had words, but action was painfully slow

tent to tent, a growing wave of dissent

 

I huddled under my red coat

and hoped, the specter would keep away

souls, soles of my shoes, were at an edge and in fray

the collective energy of phobia, became our moat

 

I moved, puppet like from camp to camp

plunged from home to home, city to city

reclaiming my tears, nurturing my capacity to be gritty

hardened veins, are key to survival as a tramp

 

hands held my shoulders, some held elsewhere

indifference was common, often humans were available

spaces I could never claim, dimensions that let me be reclaimable

endorsing that power in essence is an alienating affair

 

I turn sixteen today, and discard your political evil

pretence is the skin I shed, exposing flimsy layers of hope

in a world that retains a moral kaleidoscope

of life, encounters, and new beginnings after upheavals

 

I dare you to let me live again

I dare you to look into my tears 

I dare you to bear being alone

I dare you to die without regret

 

interruptions

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Some cyclist crosses the road, a motorist moves through but pauses a few seconds longer

A chubby squirrel perches on the fence, tiny paws breaking open a nut

The autumn leaves swirl, in circles of organized wakefulness before they fall

Of the two eggs in a pan, a yolk meanders through the folds of white, the flame flickers unresisting

She raises her hand to make a point in a winsome gesture, her companion is enthralled

That girl tugs at the swing rope, her mother smiling at the simplicity of her joy

A young man holds the door open and waits, an old woman crosses over the frontier with her walker

Trance like clouds hang in limbo, they choose to gather vital raindrops

Hesitantly a lily bursts into color, petals slowly curling as they dip into sunshine

Songs play loud into the street corners, pedestrian feet twirl to the rhythm

At the bus stop you astonish me with your smile, eloquent in it’s interludes

Vendors sell their Sunday wares, secrets are bought in bargaining moments

A bride beams incandescent behind her veil, the room gasps in unison

Letters await anxiously, fearful for the moment when they are opened

Popcorn is an ultimate conversationalist, forcing a tender reciprocity

Glassmaking is a process in flux, the product is a fruition of desire

At the core of understanding complications, are interludes